My Mukka madness – when cappuccinos lie

I love espresso coffee. I have one virtually every morning. However, after lengthy and honourable service, the seal on my espresso maker has given up the ghost so I set off to buy a replacement.

I found seals for three-cup and four-cup espresso makers, but not the two-cup. However, while searching online I came across a wonderful invention – the Mukka Express. The Mukka promises not only to knock up espressos but also to create the “perfect cappuccino”.

It uses the steam from the espresso to froth up milk held in a container placed above the normal espresso but and lo! a lovely cappuccino.

Here's what its manufacturer, Bialetti, has to say: “Get ready to revolutionize your cappuccino experience! The ingenious novelty that allows you to prepare two creamy mugs of perfect cappuccino just like the one at the Italian Espresso bar. The first of its kind “Mukka Express” is available in two versions… it is easy to use and very simple to clean and allows you to prepare 2 cups of cappuccino or milk coffee.”

There is even a video which shows you how wonderful the Mukka is. And you can see it here.

I bought one for £49.99. It arrived and I immediately set to making a cappuccino. I followed the instructions exactly and ended up with… a milky coffee with some wavering froth that clearly felt out of place.

I tried again – same result. I started altering temperatures, liquid levels, everything I could think of. No difference.

The Mukka Express doesn't work. It is rubbish. Do not buy one. It is no good.

Anyway, I was planning to just stick it in a cupboard and chalk it up to experience. But then thought fuck it – I have been sold something that doesn't bloody work. And it cost £50. So I have returned it by registered post to the people I bought it from with the following letter.

We shall see what their response is.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am returning the Mukka Express coffee maker I bought from yourselves on 5 October and would request that you reimburse me the £49.99 it cost.

The reason is simple: it doesn’t work. I bought the Mukka Express after viewing a short video created by the makers online, which showed the coffee maker being used. In that video, and on the Mukka’s packaging, you are shown the milk held at the top frothing into a thick, pleasing liquid which has to be scooped out into the coffee, thereby creating a cappuccino.

However, despite having followed the included instructions to a tee, and then attempted every permutation and combination of liquid, temperatures and timings, I have still yet to achieve anything but hot milky coffee and a very loose froth that evaporates as soon as you attempt to scoop it.

If the Mukka Express had been advertised as a “milky coffee maker” rather than a “cappuccino maker”, I would have nothing to complain about. However since the end result of the Mukka’s process is the type of cappuccino that were it served in a coffee shop would see you complain and ask for a refund, I am doing the same.

Please find enclosed the milky coffee maker and its instructions. If you wish to also refund me for the postage cost, that would greatly appreciated, however I must confess I am glad to be rid of it.

Yours sincerely,

Kieren McCarthy